I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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