Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
