Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
