We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
