Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
