real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't make out with my wife yet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
