just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
