I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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