My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
