Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
