just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
