For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
