Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
