I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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