My friends, they love my intelligence
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
