And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
