Where is the hickey?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
