Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
