Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
