There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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