The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
