She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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