something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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