sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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