Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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