does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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