Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
