Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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