Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
