Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
