Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
