I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
