it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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