I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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