I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
