talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
