Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
