All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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