I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
