I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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