U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
