I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
