I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
