she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
