all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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