So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
