You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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