Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
