I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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