I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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