You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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