It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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